Letting Go
by Charleigh96
Summary: But it's worse than that. Because when she lost him, she didn't lose a friend. When she lost him, she didn't lose a companion. She didn't lose someone she's known all her life. She didn't lose a boyfriend, or a lover.  She lost more. So much more.


Telling her to describe him was like telling her to sketch the breeze.

Telling her to think of him, remember his smile, his eyes, his _life_, was killing her. So many memories. So much life.

So much life.

It's almost impossible to her when she thought about it. How did he have so much life? How did it all run away from him so quickly?

All that's left is the ashes of the place where he used to be.

She liked the feel of his hair, the depth of his eyes, the warmth of his smile. She liked the way he blinked when he was waking up, and the laugh that escaped his lips. She liked the strength he had. She liked the things that made him him, and no one else.

So much life.

And now there's nothing but a hole where he resided.

But it's worse than that. Because when she lost him, she didn't lose a friend. When she lost him, she didn't lose a companion. She didn't lose someone she's known all her life. She didn't lose a boyfriend, or a lover, or a significant other.

She lost so much more,

She lost a son.

And that's more painful than anything.

Because she still had her friends. She still had her companions. She still had the people she'd known all her life. She still had her boyfriend, and lover.

But not him.

It's not him she's lost, it's her whole life.

Because she pushed her friends away when she needed them most, with the feeble excuse 'You don't understand what I'm going through.' It was true, of course, they didn't, but that didn't matter. It's not the depth of the understanding, it's the willingness to offer comfort.

And boy, were they willing.

It's not him she's lost, it's her whole life.

Because she lost her companions, when she refused to leave her apartment for days, when she didn't listen to anything they said because she was so torn up inside. She had no time for trivial things, she'd just lost _her son_.

It's not him she's lost, it's her whole life.

Because she couldn't look at Draco for weeks. Not when every time she did all she saw was those silver eyes, and the platinum hair. Not when every time she did she saw the creases at the corner of his eyes when he smiled, and the slight eyebrow raise whenever he knew you were lying. Because he looked so much like _her son_.

Because she forgets, sometimes, that he was Draco's son too. She's so wrapped up in it all that she forgets Draco knows exactly what she's going through.

And she's going through _hell_.

What did she do to deserve this? What did either of them do? Why take the life, so much life, from something so young, so innocent.

She only had three years with her son, and that's not enough.

Not enough for her, or Draco.

But Draco knows what has to happen. He knows she has to let go.

But she won't.

Not for Draco, not for anyone.

She sleeps in his bed, with his favourite toys all around her.

She makes him breakfast, and dinner.

She goes to the park, and sits on the bench, waiting for him to finish on the swings.

And Draco can't stand it.

He'll do anything, just if she would _let go_

But she won't, because he had so much life.

And now it's gone.

All gone.

Draco can't stand it. She's already lost her friends, her peers, her colleagues, he won't let her lose her mind.

Or him. He won't let her lose him.

But she has to let go.

So one night, she's making dinner. For three. And he comes into the kitchen. He's brought her flowers, and chocolates. He's put on a CD of her favourite music. He's come up behind her, and grabbed her by the waist, and kissed her.

And before she knows it, her life comes flooding back to her.

All the things she had before.

All the things she missed, because she forget that he lost a son too.

And Draco's still kissing her, and the past comes flooding back. And it opens up doors for the future.

And then he stops. And he offers her a smile. It's a smile of comfort. It's a smile that says 'I'm here for you.'

Because she forgot that he's Draco's son too.

But he was.

And he dances with her. And she remembers why he was Draco's son. Because they had a future.

And they still do.

And she'll tell her future children of their brother. She'll tell them that he won't be forgotten. She won't let him be forgotten.

She knows it's not going to be easy, and for a minute she falters.

But Draco's there to catch her.

And she knows that the best way to remember isn't to wallow. It's to move on, and look lovingly back.

If you tell her to describe him, she'll look at you, and smile, and say 'So much life'.

If you tell her to think of him, she'll tell you about his hair, and the depth of his eyes.

If you tell her to remember him, she'll just say; 'I do.'

And she does.

Because she's let go.


End file.
